Human Vs Cat

Well hello there my dear friends and welcome to yet another instalment of random vitriol against the world that I hate so much. To be honest given that I’m just back off holiday you might think that I have less anger than usual but don’t worry, my angerometer was sent flying off the chart lately – over a cat and a wheeliebin.

Now I know many other commentators far more erudite than myself have put forward their views on the Mary Bale vs Lola the cat debate and pointed out the rampant hypocrisy of the Great British public frothing at the mouth over this incident and yet when a serial killer wanders round Tyneside then shots himself they quickly declare him a “hero”. Clearly middle England would seem to think “I can see you looking at that there tortoise, don’t you dare put him a shoebox (except for hibernatory reasons) be a good lad and go kill the police instead!” which just seems wrong to me. Anyway I’m not going to go into the whole sorry saga of that because, as I say, there are other bloggers far wittier and more urbane than myself to do that just go and look it up, no what I wanted to reflect upon was why the public felt that putting Lola in a bin was such a crime. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not advocating the recycling of cats in any way (given the reaction in cyberspace I wouldn’t dare) I’m just wondering what it is about that action that makes people rather than do the very British “tsk” over their cornflakes and turn the page actually go to such lengths as to post across the internet their desire to physically kill the person responsible. To quote the wonderful Don Corleone; “That is not justice, that is vengeance”.

I suppose really what it comes down to is that it was a cat that was being attacked – though it would help to point out at this juncture that supposedly the only reason the couple had the CCTV camera installed was because people had tried to hurt Lola previously so it sounds to me like it was just a bloody unpleasant cat and maybe we should pity Mrs Bale a bit in this whole thing. But, if the coverage showed Mrs Bale walking down the road and seeing a badger sitting on the wall or a swan (To quote Adrian Mole; “I’ve heard they can break a mans arm with one blow”) and she had flung that into the bin I think a lot of people would probably be saying “damn right they’re ferocious buggers, now pass us that shovel so we can finish it off!” and yet because it’s a cute cat everyone has suddenly had a funny turn and started getting all Old Testament on Mrs Bale.

However lets just look at a few stark ideas, if that cat had attacked Mrs Bale who’d have won? I tell you the cat would win every time humans just aren’t designed to fight any more. Case-in-point I’ve just spent my weekend in Shropshire and yesterday morning I was taking a bit of a hike and decided to stop for my lunch on a nice hill looking over the River Severn. Now while I was sat there I noticed a bird was circling overhead and anyone who’s ever seen a bird of prey in the wild you can tell right away by the movement that it’s some kind of bird-of-prey but I just watched it for half an hour so circling over me fascinated before it flew off. It was only later I started to reflect on what I’d done, I had just assumed I’m far too large for it to prey on it only wants voles and mice and things, but if it had chosen to attack me what would I have done? I had a pretty substantial novel I was reading that I could perhaps have tried to club it with or maybe jabbed it in the eye with the biro I had been using to do that mornings Sudoku puzzle but more than likely I’d just have screamed and fled for my life into the bushes and hoped it left me alone. I mean if you go round any zoo in the country you can guarantee any animal in there (with the possible exception of the giant African land snail) could take a human in a fight easily, we have become complacent with our place at the top of the food chain. Now obviously should all the buzzards in the world decide to unite en-masse and try and take over from the humans we as a united species could beat them but that’s no use to me when I’ve lying scattered about the Shrewsbury hillside as the human form of tagliatelle!

I suppose what I’m getting at is that Mrs Bale is just an animal like all of us and we all have animal instincts to bully weaker animals, and while putting a cat in a bin is not a particularly nice thing to do perhaps on a basic level it’s a reaction in all of us to protect ourselves as a species, and god help us if one day the cats rise up and decide to take us on – you’d be bloody glad of a wheeliebin then I can tell you!

This week Matt:

• Had a cracking time in Shrewsbury with the folkies, though has a sore head from all the low tudor beams.

• Discovered a passion for walnut and honey ice cream - literally I'm addicted!

• Tried and failed to find anywhere that can sell me a bradawl, does nobody do light carpentry anymore?