However before we got to the actual events it’s important to fill in a little of the background regarding what went before. The night before I had a “Gig” to attend, I use the word gig in its loosest sense given that I was going to see Beautiful South but I think we all know that my taste in music is eclectic to say the least. The problem I encountered was that I was attending this gig alone, but rather than appear alone I devised a cunning plan whereby I would buy two drinks at a time and have my phone in hand as much as possible so it looked like I was simply waiting for someone who was indisposed in the lavatory – though one girl kept looking over at me and I’m fairly certain she thought my companion for the evening must have some kind of bowel disorder given the inordinate amount of time holding the glassware but that’s by the by. Anyway long story short the gig was brilliant but alas drinking two drinks at once (and you can’t drink them one at a time lest you be left holding just one drink and looking like a loner) left me a few miles south of sober, something that wasn’t helped by going to the pub for a drink after the gig as well!
As a result I woke up the next morning not feeling at my brightest and leaving a 10am for a six hour train journey to Norwich wasn’t exactly top of my list of things to do. I did somehow manage to drag my corpse-like body to the station expecting to pay a mild £50ish fare, until the station man told me it would be £68 with a railcard! I nearly had a heart attack, but that was nothing compared to how my travelling companions reacted when they found out that without railcards they would be forking out £101 for their returns. So hungover and with our wallets considerably lightened we boarded the train for the long trek to Norfolk myself half asleep and sustaining on little more than tea and my companions little better we thankfully found ourselves a table at least (being sure to keep a covert bag on the empty to seat at all times to deter those who would attempt to ingratiate themselves with us. A mere five and a half hours later we found ourselves standing bedraggled on Norwich station and searching for a black cab. Our driver was a lovely chap, seeing we were obviously tourists he decided to take us to our hotel via several of Norwich’s lovely roundabouts and getting us stuck in a traffic jam at each one just so we got a real sense of what gridlock in Norfolk is like, oh and he only charged us £12 for the privelige! Well eventually we located our hotel and after a brief chat with the slowest concierge in Norfolk who couldn’t quite fathom the idea that there were three of us in a four person room we were allowed up to our room. Now I had stayed in a Ramada before and it had a stunning view across Manchester, well our room at the Norwich ramada had an equally amazing view….. of the opposite room.
Well following our disappointing view it was decided that we should head out for a spot of dinner in a local restaurant, we decided to ask if our cabbie (one who had obviously realised we’d already seen the roundabouts so was considerably faster and half the price!) could suggest somewhere, he suggested a place called “Tombland”. Now to be honest if you want to know terror get into a cab in an unknown city and have your cabbie offer to take you to Tombland! Anyway as it turned out Tombland was not as terrifying as it sounded and actually we had a lovely dinner – well except when a vagrant staggere
d into the restaurant and used the disabled lavatory and did something in there that so horrified the waitress that she had to run and get the maitre’d at once! Our meal was followed by a drink in a pub the size of the average living room that seemed to be filled exclusively with men of a certain persuasion, then another lovely pub with an open log fire (you wouldn’t get that back home!) with some very friendly locals who took a shine to our Tim and even produced us a map of good bars – we’ll ignore the fact the “Good bar” turned out to be a cinema. Our final destination of the evening was another bar this time was two old gay men in vests dancing in a pulpit, “weird” didn’t even begin to describe it!Our Saturday started with a minor hangover but surely that’s always the mark of a good first night in a strange city (And Norwich is a VERY strange city!). We had to make it into Norwich in time for Graham to get to the football stadium so we decided to walk into town past a bewildering array of peculiarly named shops including “Bob Basted’s” used car showroom and the “George Bush” funeral home, what are Norfolk shopkeepers thinking? Having finally got into Norwich and found the scarily concealed 25,000 seater stadium we decided maybe a nice film would be the order of the day in the evening (although a peculiar man was standing behind us muttering to himself making us generally concerned that he may invite himself to join us hence we had to quickly make our escape). After Graham had left us to go to his game Tim and I decided to go and explore the castle and the cathedral, the castle was a bitter disappointment (general entry doesn’t get you into the battlements or the dungeons, they’re the best bits!) Although they did have a very angry looking stuffed otter that was rather entertaining as well as the worst ever Egyptian exhibit – literally a corridor with a mummy in it! The cathedral was a lot better – except when we first arrived Tim asked if there was someone in the doorway and I assured him it was just some bags….. in fact it was the same vagrant who had committed unspeakable acts in the disabled toilet of the restaurant the previous night! Needless to say we fled into the cathedral as swiftly as possible.
Following our Cathedral tour and Graham’s game we met up for some quite frankly lurid cocktails, having to ask an unknown barmaid for “perfect sex” and a “screaming orgasm” is really not advisable! Following a film and dinner we decided to return back to the hotel so we would be fresh for our 6 hour journey back the next day, though not before another frankly terrifying cabbie who was threatening to murder other road users!
All in all though it was a wonderful trip filled with enough random people to entertain me for the rest of my days!
This week Matt:
- Had a row with a lady in Calcutta who had no idea what I was yelling at her.
- Enjoying "Listening day" on Classic FM, what else would you do with a radio exactly?
- Watched several hours of darts a day, oh how working class!
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