Helloween

good evening all and welcome to this evening's installment of my blog, first of all an apology for a lack of updates this week I have had a very full week and haven't had the time to sit down and spend an hour or so working out a rant.

Anyway as you may have guessed from the hilarious pun in my title bar tonights words are to do with Halloween, my most hated day of the year. Now I know I may be accused of being a bit grinchy because I know I have a lot of friends who absolutely love halloween but for me it's just a dreadful evening, now next Thursday is bonfire night, for me that's a much better evening and (As you may know) my second favourite night of the year. Anyway for those who, like me, despise the evening which includes little more than glorified begging here is my list of Do's and Don'ts for getting through this evening.

Do
Show your participation in the evening by placing a Jack-O-Lantern on your doorstep, I'm afraid I learned long ago that you can't escape participating in this evening but at least if you have the pumpkin there when you refuse to give the screff children any sweets they will at least savage the pumpkin rather than your garden.

Don't
Turn the lights off and hide in the front room behind the armchair. I know it can be tempting but you'll end up hating the night even more. If like me you dislike the evening go out somewhere so you don't have to be involved.

Do
Get plenty of candy in, the rule usually is you'll end up either too much or too little but at least if you have too much you can pig out yourself!

Don't
Give out fruit, pencils, etc it's going to breed resentment. Also don't do what my father did last year and give out Glow-In-The-Dark "Jesus loves you" badges, to be honest I think most of the kids who got those ended up crying!

Do
Get involved with the whole thing, as vile as the whole pratice is if you try and ignore what's going on you'll end up having a miserable time, just relkuctantly get involved!

Don't
Get too involved, there's nothing worse than decking yourself out in a full costume to scare trick-or-treaters and inadvertantly giving a couple of Jehovas Witnesses a heart attack.

Do
Set core times for your trick-or-treaters say half seven to half nine and after that just don't answer the door, it'll only be the older kids out for what they can get after that.

Don't
suggest that 19 is too old to be trick-or-treating or that wearing a cap isn't really a costume, you'll just end up getting a beating or having your wainscoting trashed.

Do
Console yourself that you may be giving kids sweets but at least your contributing to these delightful poppets dental caries!

Don't
put all your sweets in a bowl at the start of the night, the kids will snatch them, you'll end up running out of candy far too early and word of your incredible generosity will get around so you'll end up with even more dreadful children at your door!

Well I hope these tips help you survive your halloween night and just think it's more than likely nobody will turn up so you can end up spending your Saturday nigth eating reduced price Haribo with a movie, result!

Today Matt:

• Made a pumpkin pie that worked really well!
• Made a Jack-O-Lantern for the first time in his life.
• Got to thinking about the new air tax rules, you're going to pay less tax to fly to California than to fly to Jamaica, madness!