This blog actually came to life on Saturday afternoon while at my desk in work (Well there was precious all else to do) and I warn you in advance it's likely to get a bit ranty so for anyone who doesn't particularly enjoy me in full rant mode you might want to close this window now and maybe go and get yourself a nice chocolate hobnob.
As the title suggests this blog is a few random musings on etiquette and manners in modern society. Now those of you who know me well know I can be a wee bit old fashioned and to be honest this doesn't come across much more in my desire for good manners, however I do think we may have gone a bit far. For example my main gripe concerning this came on Saturday afternnon when I came back to work from my lunch break a bit late and a chap held open the door for me. Once we got into the lobby he actually turned to me with a look of disgust and said "Well you could have said thank you!". Now of course I stuttered and apology and went bright red and he wandered off but it was only later on while mulling this over (And thinking of all the violent things I would have done to the guy had he been firmly tied up) I actually began to think is the whole thanks thing a bit outdated? I mean really why do we want thanks for holding open a door? Now I refer not to things like if, for example, you see someone with a hot tray of drinks and you hold a door open for them, to be honest in that situation "Thank you for not making me scald myself horribly with a combination of tea and ovaltine" is probably a fair reaction and one we would expect. But to hold open a door to a building? What's the alternative for everyone to firmly close doors behind them and leave in single file? No quite simply he held open the door for me because it was a lot simpler than trying to close the door and crush me in it (Though seeing his face after I failed to thank him I rather think this thought had crossed his mind!) why do we feel we have to be thanked all the time?
Even more ridiculous are the overthankers, now we all know who these types of people are, for example if you are dashing for a train and get into the lift and start jabbing manically at the down arrow before that weird looking man in the flasher mac gets into the lift as well and the doors thankfully close and you breathe a sigh of relief and then suddenly the doors open again and in walks the dodgy man in the mac so again you hammer the down arrow to try and seal the bloody lift but no that very attractive girl on the train with the lovely perfume suddenly opens the doors and you're trying desperately to remain clam and suave around her but inwardly you're seething because with every person who won't just wait in the lobby for the next lift your train gets closer and closer and you still can't get the lift to go. And with each person who enters the lift they say "Oh thank you thank you", don't thank me! I was jabbing the down button so we wouldn't have to take you with us! Was my look uof disgust and to pointedly look at my watch not enough to imply to you that I didn't want you in this lift. Then suddenly the door opens again and in walks the obligatory man with a bike in skintight cycling shorts so suddenly your all wedged between a sharp metal frame or this gentlemans "Protuberance" which I assure you is not what you want in a lift (Though if you're lucky it does mean you're pressed conveniently close to the attractibe girl). And even worse at this point the man in the flasher mac you were avoiding to begin with is also tutting. Don't you tut sir! It's your fault he's here! If you'd just waited a few seconds I'd be on the platform doing the G2 crossword by now rather than stuck in a lift with you all!
My final category of etiquette problem is the actually bloody rude types. Now there are times when lack of manners can be accepted. Like when the person with the hot drinks inadvertanly decants hot ovaltine over your hand while getting through the door you rationalise it with yourself by saying "Oh I'm sure she apologised I just didn't hear" or some such nonsense, but some people are just rude. For example at the opera on Saturday there was a definite queue formed to get into the auditorium (Oh how we Brits love a queue) and it was the usual middle-class affair with lots of subtle tutting going on when someone decided the queue was clearly only there for certain people, not him, and so started marching up alongside the queue which was at this point snaking down the stairs. Now obviously this gentleman was not conscious of the workings of a wide staircase because suddenly the upstairs screen emptied and down the other side of the stairs in the opposite direction came the contents of that screen, there has been nothing so satisfying in my life as seeing that man suddenly staring up at a whole cinema full of people trying to get past him on the stairs but then (and this is the rude part) he just barged into the middle of our queue to let them pass and didn't even apologise. Even worse he was sitting on my row and I decided to hold a sort of silent protest by not standing to allow him in which backfired horribly when he clambered over my legs and decanted half a glass of red wine over me, for which again he didn't apologise. And as I sat there in the dark smelling faintly of Merlot I reflected back on the man at the office earlier and wondered why he'd had the nerve to tell me off for not thanking him for holdin a door open while I'd just allowed a man to pour half a glass of wine over me without apologising and I came up with a few basic rules of etiquette:
- Over a lifetime the number of times you open a door for someone will more than likely balance out with the number of times someone will hold a door open for you so you should stick to either being a "Thanker" or a "Non-thanker" and leave it at that.
- If someone has not done something on your behalf don't thank them for it, thanking me because you pushed the lift button is rather like me thanking you for sitting at my desk and leaving crumbs all over it. I didn't allow it and if I had my way it wouldn't have happened!
- Don't wear a white shirt to the theatre just in case someone "Accidentally" spills red wine over you.
Today Matt
- Got his very own work name badge with the CSA insignia, it feels rather like walking around town in a T-Shirt saying "Stab me"
- Decided this year for halloween he will just hide in the loft to avoid the trick-or-treaters.
- Bought sparklers for bonfire night and got childishly excited by the idea of writing dirty words in the air with them.
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